Tell Me The Truth. I can take it

Oh I just get so mad I can’t stand it. I want to reach through the phone and strangle the next guru who tells me to fucking “add up what I am worth per hour” and then tell me how dumb it is that I’m doing my own books, or my own graphics, or my own social media! Stay within your “zone of genius” they say. Well it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that right now I make -150.00 per hour.

So based on that, instead of hiring a Virtual assistant, or bookkeeper, or housecleaner I need to actually get a job as a virtual assistant, bookkeeper or housecleaner so I can eventually hire one of the above.

I’m not trying to be negative or God forbid “uncoachable” I just feel like the emperor is naked and they are trying to sell me their clothes. Is anyone gonna be interviewed on one of these podcasts before they “make it” and can afford to make such asinine statements.

A real struggling entrepreneur.

Someone who is not looking back over their shoulder at the “past” when they struggled like me. I don’t want your rosy summed up narrative and your 5 bullet points on how you got to 7 figures. I don’t want you to claim you WERE just like me just a few hundred members ago until it “all just clicked” and you joined a million dollar mastermind and now you no longer even do what you did to start your business.

You now have a business teaching me to be successful like you if only I just pay you a monthly fee. No, I want to hear from someone where I am. Right now. Someone whose gut wrenches every time they have to balance their own books. Someone who cries to their sister and says “I’m working so hard and I’m so tired and what’s it all for anyway”, on a daily basis.

Someone else who is isn’t “hiding” behind the numbers or treating their business like a hobby. Someone who wakes up everyday, makes a list, eats decently, gets some semblance of exercise, makes the best choices she can with the info that she’s got, posts her LIVES on FB, updates her blog, takes care of her clients and still can’t make the numbers work.

“Eliminate or delegate”. That’s what they say. Well Last years version of me did that and now this years version is in a shitload of debt from all that delegating!

Maybe misery loves company and maybe I’m just wallowing in it today and  I NEED to look to a success story to lift me Up. I just don’t want your damn success story today because you won’t admit that it wasn’t that you worked harder or smarter or had better graphics or carried better products. Somewhere along the way. Doing what you do. In your zone of genius you caught a break.

You had something go viral. You made the right connection to the right person. You hit a chord that was not planned but totally scored. You chose a better business model at the very start and didn’t even know it. In the evolutionary chain you made a Darwinian leap that can’t really be explained.

You know I’m right. You want me to believe you have an answer for me because your coaching group depends on it. You say you want to share your success with me. How about you share your failures? And I don’t mean a quick meme. I mean like for every right turn you took, tell me honestly, how many wrong ones came first?

Cause I think maybe sharing that could, if nothing else give me an honest benchmark. Did you make a hundred terrible decisions till you made one mediocre one and then built on that? Did you decide first on a good business model and then worked backwards towards your “Zone of Genius”. Did you still work a day job that covers all the bills? Does someone else?

I am an artist and an entrepreneur. A terrible business combination historically speaking. I know just enough to be dangerous.

Pure artists know they have no business sense and don’t even try. They get grants or patrons or become teachers. They have no delusions of steady income.

I love business. I actually love numbers. I can rock a p&l and read a cash flow report and create a pro forma in my sleep. I believe in my soul that I can combine my artist self with my business self and create a profitable baby. I think I’ll name her Cash.

For now though, the only thing that the damn gurus say that makes any sense at all is to focus and narrow. Whittle away the parts that didn’t work. When you’re a creative that isn’t easy to see though. You see possibility in everything so nothing gets eliminated

. Today I will try as always to breathe and eliminate. To step away from the website, the graphics, the spreadsheet, the photography, the social media my YouTube channel and believe that something will emerge. Something will show itself as THE THING. The thing I will get to talk about when I am interviewed for a podcast. The thing that finally clicked for me, or went viral or had a real ROI instead of a projected one. The thing that made opening quick books a joy instead of a trauma.

Will it be my shop, my craft group, my custom furniture, my YouTube channel, my tutorials, my paint, my art or maybe it will be the journal I’m writing about the whole messy adventure.


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