…It’s not that I have too many things to do in a day. It’s that I have two many personalities that each have their personal own agenda for MY day.
To make this story a little easier to digest let’s name these gals. How about derivations of “Susan” (maybe a new band name??)
I’m not saying I’m literally schizophrenic. Others may want me tested after this post, but it’s just my way of sorting through the mess of my own daily thought patterns I suppose.
Might as well start with “Sara” since she is always at the front of the line anyway. What a fucking goody goody. None of the rest of us care much for Sara.
She wants us to lower our carbs, drink moderately, get up at 7 and make sure we get some solid exercise time in before we meditate and then work productively for the rest of the day. We don’t let Sara our that much.
So how about “Sophie” ? Oh girl we love you so much. Sophie is brave and dramatic. Sophie loves to create but her passion for creation is not matched by her cleanliness. How can she possibly leave time to cleanup when she is deep in the creative zone? Strewn paint brushes, paint jars with no lids, dishes In the sink from a new Indian dinner creation …look, Sara can clean that shit up tomorrow. Sophie paints with abandon, sings her heart out and often forgets to pickup the kids. As soon as Sara picks another damn diet plan Sophie breaks it. (The dr. Says Sophie needs to listen to Sara btw and that taking the stairs does not a full exercise regimen make)
Sophie loves how she feels on stage. Nervous yes, but Powerful and strong as soon as she gets out that first note. She knows connecting with her audience has absolutely nothing to do with her size. Her fans want , a show, a story a drama to feel moved. They want a Sophie not a Sara.
The only problem is that Sophie better keep Sara away from FB the next day cause once the gig pictures post, Sara’s gonna pick another diet for them all. Sara will be mad they didn’t look “fit” but Sophie will not look at herself. She looks at all the dancers laughing and twirling.
So now there is Suzan. Suzan wants to get us all organized and ready for life. She thinks that if everything has a place and if there is a place for everything, then and only then can we start our damn day. Suzan listens to self help podcasts, compares and contrasts endless social media strategies, reads book after book on entrepreneurship and small business smart growth, and has more excel spreadsheets planning out our life than anyone should be allowed by Microsoft. She is the one who often sabotages our day because if she gets started first we never get anywhere.
Why? Because Suzan never “does”. She only “plans”. We all wait for Suzan to pick a course for the day but she holds us at arms length. “We can’t post yet we don’t have our branding colors just right, we can’t paint that yet, we haven’t researched the trending colors for fall, we can’t perform today, we have not rehearsed enough!” Omg Suzan! The rest of us have to give her a timer and then we tie her up so we can stop planning and start doing.
Once we’ve taken over Suzan, Sophie usually comes out to play. She’s been given her task list by Sara and her marching orders from Suzan and she’s off. Sara packed her a healthy lunch but Sophie left it on the counter. Suzan setup the new auto scheduler for Pinterest but Sophie forgot the computer cord and now the computer is dead. So Instead she’ll forge her own day. Getting a million things done but somehow NONe of the things on her actual to do list. She’ll laugh with customers, half finish a canvas, buy a TON of new art supplies for a cool new project and then completely forget where she put them.
Somewhere in the day Susie sleeepily emerges. She loves to escape. She’s like a little kitten we have to keep finding. In the middle of the day she’ll either decide to binge a Netflix drama or take a nap. Honestly Susie. We have shit ton of work to do and you are binging out on Orange is the new black, or you’re back in bed at noon! Susie basically can’t take the rest of us. She wants it to rain all day so she doesn’t feel guilty for not going outside or not doing some fun activity. She just wants to curl up and be left alone with her bed and her remote.
Once we get Susie out of bed, and Sophie finds the art supplies we bought last month and we ride our bike to work like Sara wanted, we can finally get to work. Right?
Nope. Sara just reminded us that payroll taxes are due and Sophie forgot the computer cord and the lap top is dead and why didn’t Suzan catch this before we left the house (at noon!) so we have to bike back home (Sara is happy) login in. Pay the taxes and now what??
Sophie wants to get back to the art studio pronto but Suzan says while we are at the computer let’s make some more plans!
Susie could use another nap. All that biking ya know.
This is when “Momma Sue” usually steps in. “Listen up! We have deadlines, we’ve gotta complete the custom orders, make the DIY kits, finish the tutorial and make some $$ so we can pay for college!!! Now grab a power bar, fuck the bike and get in the car, (which Sophie left on empty btw) and get to work and pickup the kids by 5. Got it?!?”
The rest of us fall in line, join mental forces And we get ‘er done.
Some days are magical because for some reason only one of my girls wakes up. The “time management” gurus talk about contaminated time. It’s where you are in one place but your mind (or your girls) are fighting for another agenda. When only one of my girls wakes up, she tiptoes out so as not to wake anyone else so she can have a full day of feeling like she’s right where she is supposed to be. Cause that is honestly bliss. It’s not what we are doing it’s getting tofeel like what we are doing,
in that moment, is exactly right.
When it’s Sara she drinks in the quiet of the morning careful not to make noise while making her flaxseed smoothie.
When it’s Suzan she gets right to the computer, open excel and tells herself that this spreadsheet is gonna solve it all. All the money woes, all the conflicting patterns, all the sales strategies. This will the the holy grail of spreadsheets.
Susie usually gets the day after a big gig or life event. Sophie left her with an adrenaline hangover from the show the night before or worse. A real hangover. But Sophie has chatted with enough people for a month so now Susie does not feel compelled to talk to a soul today. Only Alexa. Alexa is her only friend.
Momma Sue never gets up alone. She only comes t o life when the others are squabbling. She is not needed today.
Oh but when Sophie gets the day. Watch out world. She does not go near her phone or computer. She does not need vanity metrics. She compares herself to no one. Paint will fly. Ideas will burst. Belly laughs will abound. Messes will be made and directives completely forgotten. She will paint. She will write. She will sing. From her belly and from her heart. When all the other voices are finally quiet they just let her sing.